i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
