This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
