My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
