My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We are two peas in an std pod
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
