im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
