I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
