I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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