dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
