did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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