mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
