I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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