just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
