would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
