a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
