i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
