dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
