my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
