I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
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well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
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I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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