how can u be prego again
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
