He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
