im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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