I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
