After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
