How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
