Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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