Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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