i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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