Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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