I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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