You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
