How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
