You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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