Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize