i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
