While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
