my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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