Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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