When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
