Can Purell be used as lube?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
