I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
