we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
