From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
