grandma shit on top of the toilet
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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