He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
