I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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