well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
