just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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