I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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