Plan B is the new Plan A
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Randomize
