If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
