we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
