I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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