there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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