You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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