this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
