so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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