I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
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Im just a social blackout drinker.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
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I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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