Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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