Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We got so high we made milksteak
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
