All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you didnt know i had herpes?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
