I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize