i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
