i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
3 2 1 whiskey
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
