I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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