Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
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my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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