i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She's the barista slut.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
