i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
