Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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