Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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