my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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