while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
