New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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